okay. just to make it palatable for my regular followers. the GALAXY BRAINED thorki batcat au that NO ONE wanted or asked for. this isnt my final form but its pretty close.
thors like. a classic, golden age comics style masked superhero yaknow by night and a billionaire playboy by day. hes just run afoul of a cat burglar mastermind and sparks flew. he had chemistry with this guy he tried to apprehend creeping around on the rooftops but he got away. thatll be important later, of course.
his estranged little brother has just rolled into town. loki left home as soon as he reached adulthood. didnt want any part of odins fortune. refused his share of the inheritance. struck out on his own. thor hasnt heard from him in years, decades. hes missed him desperately. of course he agreed to a meeting when he got lokis call.
lokis done well for himself. he seems to be independently wealthy. thors not really sure what hes actually DOING like, as a job, and lokis gotten so adept at the art of dodging questions that thor learns nothing from their conversation over lunch but he enjoyed the dance.
he wants to see loki again, if at all possible.
of course its possible. he and his brother are gonna unknowingly fight all over the city over the next few weeks as loki methodically robs every rich apartment and thor tries to stop this crime spree but gets too distracted flirting with the perpetrator.
and naturally they have regular brotherly lunch engagements out of costume to catch up. for old times sake. never mind the mood of each subsequent DATE gets less and less fraternal and they almost went in for a kiss yesterday when thor dropped loki off at his apartment. they just forgot themselves momentarily
And because Loki has never been exposed to anything bad in his life (because we all know Thor is the definition of a helicopter parent), he’s incredibly open with Thor. He’s sweet but witty, dramatic and funny but feels no need to act out for attention because all he needs to do is dance his way into the den and drop himself off into Thor’s lap and he has all the attention he could ever want/need.
The problem arises when Thor gets a girlfriend and Loki goes “absolutely NOT” and seduces Thor with his girlfriend sleeping RIGHT NEXT TO HIM to show him that Loki is all he could ever need. And Thor is like “damn sweetheart, how’d you get so good at this” (basic dirty talk but Loki is too earnest and goes) “I practiced” and Thor stills and is trying not to blow up imagining unknown grubby little hands touching his precious boy
And Loki realizes and goes “no, no! I used the emergency credit card you gave me to buy toys online. don’t get mad—“ and Thor is like “oh honey. I could never be mad at you, darling. now shhh let daddy make you feel good” and let’s be real, Thor totally gets off on Loki being good for him. On Loki being just for him period.
And he totally says some shit like “you were mine as soon as they placed you in my arms when they brought you home. stopped crying right then, yeah, you knew who your real daddy was, didn’t you?” or “fuck, baby. knew it was a good idea to sign you up for gymnastics, fuck yes, just like that” and they almost get caught by the girlfriend but Thor already made up some bullshit story about how Loki gets night terrors (yes everyone that’s his emotional support erection in his son/bro’s hole)
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
you knew who your real daddy was, didn’t you?
you really are my goodest anon holy fucking shit. god. i’m. oh i’m living and dying at the same time tbh. this is the dirtiest and best shit and i uh. i might. write a longer fic for this. bc. i need this. i’ve got a Thing for twisted obsession with these two.
god you fucking delivered i am so happy about this
Norse bros love 